you ask if i love you
what can i say
you know that i do
and that this is just
one of those games that we play

so i sing you a new song
please don't cry any more
and i ask your forgiveness
though i don't know just
what i'm asking it for

Hold Me Now-Thompson Twins


"So...we're finally alone," Brian said.

"Yeah," Curt said, a shy half-smile playing about his lips. They both started to talk at the same time, stopped, started again, then began to laugh helplessly.

Curt grabbed onto Brian's shoulders to keep himself from falling over, and Brian relaxed against him with a contented sigh. "You okay with this?" Curt asked.

"Yeah," Brian said, echoing Curt's earlier tone.

"Are we...um..." Curt fell silent, lost for words again. Being near Brian again was destroying his concentration.

"What?"

"Are we...you know...um...together again?" Curt's fingers instinctively twined themselves in Brian's hair, and Brian made another, even happier, noise.

"Curt...I don't think we ever really broke up. We were apart, but we...I mean...I still feel the same as I always did about you. Crazy in love," Brian finished huskily, peering at Curt from beneath sable eyelashes.

"Yeah?" Curt's smile was endearingly uncertain, and Brian's heart jumped in his chest.

Brian nodded.

"Must be contagious. Cause I feel that way, too. Only more, I think." Curt traced the line of Brian's jaw with his fingertips.

Brian glanced at the number of people milling around backstage. Between the stagehands, groupies, fans, and other bands, they were hardly alone. This wasn't quite how Brian had envisioned their reunion. "Maybe we should go somewhere...private," Brian said, biting his bottom lip nervously. Maybe Curt wasn't up to being alone with him yet.

"Bijoux?"

"Too many bad memories," Brian said with a shiver.

"There's always the roof. People crash up there all the time."

"We could look at the stars," Brian whispered.

"Or each other," Curt ventured.

*****

They climbed the stairs to the roof together, their arms wrapped around each other's waists. It made their ascent that much more difficult, but both of them were deeply reluctant to let go of one another.

When they stood on the roof of the old theatre at last, Curt said, "That coat is way too big for you, Bri," which was either a hint that Brian should take it off or a comment on his choice of disguise. "And that hat..." Curt made a face.

Brian shook his head. "I was trying not to be recognized, Curt."

"All you had to do was take off the wig. Sorry, babe, but I always hated the blue hair," Curt said by way of apology.

"I always loved yours," Brian whispered reverently, his hands framing Curt's face.

"I always loved you," Curt said quickly before he could change his mind. That they loved each other was undeniable. That they had never said the words out loud was inexplicable.

"Would it be all right if I kissed you?"

"If you don't...I think I'll die," Curt murmured.

Brian leaned forward and placed his hands on Curt's bare chest. When Curt shivered, Brian wondered if he was cold. Then Curt's tongue slipped into his mouth, and he forgot what he was going to say.

Brian's coat fell off his shoulders, with more than a little help from Curt, and Brian followed its descent, slowly sinking to his knees. Curt nipped playfully at Brian's mouth, chuckling at the rather desperate way Brian wriggled within his grasp as if he couldn't get close enough to Curt. Brian plucked his hat off and threw it down. Then he tipped his head back and tore off the offensive blue wig.

"Your hair's gotten as long as mine," Curt exclaimed. "And the color..." After Curt left, Brian let his hair grow out. It was as if he wanted to be a different person in every way possible. His natural color was an attractive shade of dark brown that Curt found infinitely more appealing than blue.

"You like it?" Brian asked tentatively. Curt's opinion meant everything to him, and his expressive face reflected as much.

"I'd love you even if you were bald," Curt declared. Brian buried his face against Curt's neck and breathed in his scent. He smelled of sweat and musk, and Brian inhaled deeply. This was Curt, his love, the man he thought he might never see again, and every time Curt said those words, the words that he hadn't dared to let himself dream, he was overcome.

"God, I missed you," Brian whispered.

"Me, too," Curt said, part of him still stunned beyond belief that he was holding Brian in his arms.

"If you hadn't come back..." Brian couldn't finish that sentence. He pressed his lips to the pulse point on Curt's neck and nuzzled him, trying to convey how much Curt meant to him without words.

"I didn't want to live without you," Curt said, as if completing Brian's thought.

"Was it very bad?" Brian asked. He was terrified to hear the answer, but he had to know.

"I was in hell," Curt rasped, his mouth suddenly so dry that it was painful.

Brian's arms tightened around Curt's neck as he contemplated what Curt must have gone through. When Curt shifted, Brian held on and dug his fingers deep enough to leave crescent-shaped marks on Curt's smooth skin. "I'm so sorry," Brian sighed.

Curt kissed Brian's temple and exhaled, his breath ruffling his hair. "I don't think I've ever heard you say that before," he said softly.

"Well, I am," Brian muttered. He rubbed his cheek against Curt's. "When I think of what he did to you..."

"Don't. I'm trying to forget-"

"Can you?"

"If you mean do I still want to make love to you...the answer is yes. With every cell in my body." Curt pulled back to gaze intently into Brian's light blue eyes. "I don't think I realized how much I loved you till I had to give you up."


They kissed and it was like the very first moment their lips met. Curt felt warm and safe despite the cool night air, and Brian evidently felt the same for he snuggled closer. All at once Brian wanted to memorize every mark, every pore, no matter how inconsequential. "Curt?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you, too, right?"

"You never said it, but...I hoped that you did, yeah."

"You're so much braver than I am," Brian whispered. "I could never have done what you did."

"Yes, you could. If you knew it meant you were coming home to the only person who truly understood you."

Brian kissed him almost chastely, but Curt deepened the kiss as though he'd only just caught Brian's earlier desperation. "I thought...I would have trouble with this," Curt said, breaking away with a breathless sound.

"And?"

"Feel how much I love you," Curt whispered against Brian's mouth. He pulled Brian's hand down to his groin and across the prominent bulge between his legs.

Brian wound his hands through Curt's hair and slowly lowered both of them to the ground. There was a serviceable mattress nearby, but Brian shuddered to think how dirty it probably was. He decided that his coat, which was several sizes too big for him, would make a better than adequate substitute.

He pushed Curt's low slung leather pants even further down his hips and let Curt's cock spring free. Curt groaned and nudged Brian's legs apart with his knee. "Let me in," Curt pleaded.

Without anything more than a fervent caress, Brian grew hard. He longed to bury himself deep within Curt's body, but he knew that there wasn't enough trust in the world for Curt to submit right now.

Curt pulled Brian's pants down and savored the feel of soft skin even as he encountered his massive erection. His hands were so warm, so gentle...so frustrating. Brian struggled to move against Curt, but Curt held him by his wrists, taking unfair advantage by licking a path from Brian's ear to his shoulder.

Brian protested, albeit weakly. "If you keep doing that, I'm going to come."

"That's okay. We have all night," Curt reassured him.

Brian shook his head, then smiled as he swiped a finger through the drop of wetness that pearled at the tip of Curt's dick. Curt jumped at the sensation, but he settled down quickly to his earlier task of kissing Brian within an inch of his life.

"I love you, but I don't think I can hold on much longer."

At the sound of Brian's fervent declaration, Curt's cock pulsed to life and spilled its milky essence between their bodies. Brian jerked in Curt's embrace and came moments later. They lay together, sticky and sated and even a bit sleepy before Curt broke the silence with his smoky whisper. "What do you think'll happen to us, Bri?"

"Oh," Brian said quite saucily, "we'll get married and live happily ever after."

"This isn't a fairytale, babe."

"Are you sure about that?"

Brian kissed him, one hand still playing with Curt's long blond hair. "I don't think either one of us expected a happy ending, Curt, but since we're lucky enough to get one..."

"You're right. What was I thinking?" Curt asked rhetorically as he kissed Brian back.

"About me?" Brian gave Curt a wistful smile.

"Always," Curt responded huskily.

Brian sighed happily as he felt Curt burrow under his chin. He scanned the midnight sky, his eyes growing more and more drowsy as time went on. "I like the way things turned out."

"Yeah," came Curt's muffled voice. "It's like Oscar Wilde said, 'We are all of us in the gutter...but some of us are looking at the stars.'"

End


(oh oh oh oh)
hold me now
(woah)
hold my heart
stay with me
let loving start
let loving start...

Hold Me Now--Thompson Twins