This is the thirtieth story in the Rewriting History series, and it follows I Want Certainty. There is angst and dark humor and sex (albeit, not graphic) in this one. I could explain why, but I think it will be clear when you read it. Hope this was worth the wait. :)

Warnings: m/m, AU, angst, dark humor, non-graphic sex, *lots* of bad language, and minor spoilers for the movie, but major deviations from canon.

~Silk

*****

Momentary Seizure

By Silk

Curt's blue-gray eyes shone unsteadily under the dim light just outside the door. He approached stealthily, stalking Brian like the wolf he so often resembled. "What the fuck did you just say?" Curt ground out in his characteristic growl.

"I think you heard me," Brian snapped.

"Just want to be sure what you're accusing me of," Curt snarled.

"That kid. The one who practically ran me over downstairs. *That* one. Did you fuck him?"

"Oh, *that* kid. You know, it's hard to remember. Usually by this time of night, I've gone through half of St. Stephen's Boys' Choir. I've always been partial to altar boys."

"You fuck!"

"Now you're just repeating yourself, Bri. I can see you haven't learned any new words since we broke up."

"How could you?"

"Jesus, Brian, you sound like a fucking girl. How could I? How the fuck could I *not*? You saw that face. Now lie to me and tell me you wouldn't want to fuck him senseless."

Brian sputtered angrily, unaware that he'd moved even closer to Curt. "Say it! I dare you! You think I'd fuck anything that sits still long enough!"

"Oh, come on, babe, we both know you fucked *everyone*!"

"Not *everyone*!"

"*Enough*. And I didn't care!"

"You should have! Why the fuck didn't you?" Brian cried.

Curt stared at him, at that mouth, inches away from his own. He was so angry...but being in such close proximity to the man he loved was wreaking havoc with his ability to think. "I pretended that it didn't matter...because I thought...it was the only way I could hold onto you. And in the end, it wasn't enough."

"You never fucking told me," Brian whispered.

"What difference does it make now, Brian? We've got nothing to say to each other but ugly words."

"Not all of them are ugly," Brian offered.

"The ones you left me with were..."

"Did you fuck him?" Brian asked breathlessly.

"What if I did?" Curt responded wearily.

"It's just..." Brian raked a hand through his short hair, dislodging the hat that was part of his disguise. It fell, landing next to his feet with a soft thump. "I didn't come here for this, Curt. I came to ask you to forgive me. To come back to me. But I think...I have no fucking right anymore."

Curt picked up Brian's hat and clasped it to his chest with both hands. His face bereft of all animation, he whispered, "I couldn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Couldn't fuck him." Curt closed his eyes. He couldn't look into Brian's eyes anymore. The wanting was so intense, he couldn't bear it.

Brian's lips parted as if contemplating a kiss. "You couldn't? Why?"

Curt opened his eyes suddenly, and the intensity of the pain there caught Brian completely by surprise. "Cause he wasn't *you*."

"You sent him away?"

Curt drew a shaky breath. "Yeah. Pathetic, huh?"

Brian shook his head slowly. "I've fucked so damn many people, Curt, but...none of them meant anything. You know why?" Brian stepped between Curt's legs, the tug of their connection strangely familiar and yet different.

"Cause none of them were *you*."

"You almost sound like you missed me, babe," Curt said quietly.

"Oh, God, yes. Every fucking day..." Brian leaned closer, his breath mingling with Curt's, his mouth a hairsbreadth away from an inevitable kiss. He was seducing Curt, and Curt was suddenly willing to do anything to feel Brian's hands on his body again.

"But the nights were the worst," Brian continued, his gaze shifting subtly to Curt's mouth.

Curt felt himself sway, but Brian caught him, his long, elegant fingers capturing Curt's shoulders in a bold grasp. All at once Curt wanted nothing more than to be *possessed*.

"Briannnn..." Curt murmured.

Brian pressed his mouth to Curt's in a kiss that was strangely chaste, his right hand palming the side of Curt's neck protectively. Curt sank his own fingers into Brian's hair, unwilling to let him move away.

Brushing Curt's hair out of his eyes, Brian whispered, "Please forgive me."

"I love you, babe. Do you know how fucking long I've been waiting to say that again?"

If Curt seemed near tears, Brian wasn't far behind. "About as long as I've been waiting to hear it."

For the longest time, they were content with kisses and caresses and promises of more to come. Their senses were so starved for each other that they couldn't help but taste and lick and sip at one another's mouths.

Reluctantly breaking away from his lover, Brian pulled Curt's hand to his mouth and kissed it. That seemed to trigger an emotional reaction in Curt. His eyes welling up with tears, Curt asked hoarsely, "Do you--?"

But when Curt couldn't finish the question, Brian did. "-still love you? What do you think?"

"Don't play with me, Bri. I don't think I could take it."

Brian sighed. "I'm not." He tugged Curt forward and wrapped his arms around his neck. Settling his face against Curt's ear, he breathed, "I do love you, Curt."

Curt held onto Brian tightly, feeling suddenly bursting out of the prison he'd kept it in. "You're not sending me away again. I won't let you."

"I don't want to let you go, Curt. It'll be different. I swear."

"Don't swear," Curt said with a sniffle.

"I don't want things to be *different*," Curt added, his thumb caressing Brian's cheek. "Just not the *same*."

Brian hooked his fingers through the collar that Curt wore around his neck and kissed him. "Do you still want to belong to me?"

"More than I want to fucking breathe, babe."

Brian nuzzled Curt's chin, the light stubble there tickling his nose. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

Curt shuddered and slowly backed up, maintaining a tenuous hold on Brian's wrist. "There's a mattress back here."

They kissed, slow and deep, as if they were learning each other all over again. Curt stripped off his pants and tossed them aside. Casting a smoldering look at Brian, Curt lay down on his stomach.

"I can't believe you'd lie down for me," Brian murmured.

Curt looked back over his shoulder at his lover. "I wouldn't lie down for anyone else, babe."

Brian shrugged out of his coat and managed to take off the rest of his clothing while Curt watched approvingly. "You've lost weight," Curt commented, suddenly realizing that Brian, too, had paid a heavy price for their estrangement.

"So have you." Brian's eyes looked sad, and Curt suspected that what Brian didn't know, he was more than capable of guessing.

"Make love to me," Curt said huskily.

Brian couldn't do anything but stare helplessly at Curt. He knelt down on the mattress and tried not to think of Curt being with anyone else but him. "I love you," he whispered. "I kept you in here," he indicated his heart, "all this time."

"Brian..."

Brian sighed. "What?"

"Did you always talk this much before we made love?" Curt asked, amusement transforming his masculine features into something softer but equally defined.

Brian chuckled. "Probably. I don't remember."

"Let's make some new memories, then, babe." Curt reached for Brian, and Brian went willingly into his arms, sprawling bonelessly across his lover's body.

It was more poignant than erotic. Their fervent coupling was every bit as impassioned as ever, but there was a bittersweet tinge to their lovemaking that neither one of them could shake.

It was both beginning and ending. What went before shaped what came after. But all of it, every bit, was good in a way that it couldn't be before.

End