This is the forty-fifth story in the Rewriting History series, and it follows All the Fairy Boys Are Nervous.

This is as close to writing a song fic as I've ever come. I truly dislike song fic myself, but I wanted to show what kinds of songs Brian wrote. And I'm kinda surprised at how much I like the way it turned out.

The two songs credited to Brian are "A Dream Goes On Forever" and "Don't You Ever Learn?". Words and music were written by Todd Rundgren, not me. Both songs are from his album, Todd, copyright 1973, by Earmark Music, Inc.

Warnings: m/m, AU, song lyrics, occasional bad language. No spoilers for the movie.

~Silk

*****

Absolute Beginners


By Silk




The tour bus awaited them.

The idea of going on tour felt old and new all at the same time. Curt was filled with a sense of anticipation that he hadn't felt in months, or even longer. He was up for this. Defiantly, outrageously up for this. And it wasn't just the music that bubbled through his veins like champagne. It was Brian.

Or maybe he should start thinking Tommy.

Brian stood next to him, dark glasses shielding his light blue eyes from closer scrutiny. He was dressed simply, in skin-tight midnight blue leather topped by a royal blue T-shirt that clung to his chest and outlined the newly-acquired muscle there. He was still slightly built, but he looked immeasurably stronger. And not just in the physical sense.

Being with Curt again had lent him the strength he needed to stand on his own two feet. It was as if he'd been reunited with the other half of his soul. And if Curt had asked him...

...that's exactly what he would have said. Because he was.

"Butterflies, baby?"

"Nothing I can't handle," Brian replied, studying his lover. Curt looked good, too. Spending the past few days at home had been just what he needed to recharge his energy. Most of that was because of Brian. They had reaffirmed their commitment by making love day and night, in every room in the flat, and now it would always and forever be their home. The home they had made together.

Curt was dressed in a similar fashion except for the trademark black of his leather pants. His hair had grown longer, shaggier, mainly because he unconsciously resisted cutting it. He liked the way it felt when Brian tangled his fingers in it, and if that made him shallow, it was nonetheless true.

"I'm glad the first show's not in London," Curt said, cupping his fingers to light a cigarette.

"Really? Why?" Brian abruptly realized that for all the cool that Curt artlessly projected, he hid his real feelings well. Too well, sometimes. But that was in their past. Brian was so in tune with Curt now, he often knew what was bothering his lover before Curt did.

"I dunno. There's a lot riding on this, y'know?" Curt dragged smoke into his lungs with obvious effort, then exhaled slowly.

"You won't fail, Curt. You're better than you ever were. And you were pretty fucking amazing when I first met you."

What they didn't say out loud was that his grief over losing Brian had finally eroded Curt's ability to perform. In a way, Jack Fairy was responsible for more than putting back the pieces of their broken relationship. In giving both of them a reason to go on, he had given them back the music. Brian liked to think it was a testament to how much Jack cared about them.

"Yeah, well, from your mouth to God's ear, babe."

"Jack's here," Brian commented, watching his limo pull into the parking lot.

"That's good," Curt responded, tossing his cigarette to the ground. "He's my best cheerleader."

Brian pouted, his lower lip jutting out in what Curt could only think of as kissable. "I thought that was me."

Curt laughed softly and kissed him hard. " You love me. He doesn't."

"Yes, he does," Brian retorted, linking his hands behind Curt's neck.

"Not the way you do, baby."

Brian grinned, whatever nerves he'd had suddenly vanishing like mist in the path of the morning sun. " No one loves you like I do, Curt."

"Ain't that the truth," Curt said with a heartfelt sigh. "You want to go inside and christen the bed in the back of the bus?" Curt asked huskily, his teeth grazing Brian's earlobe.

"I thought you weren't into making love in front of everyone," Brian chided his lover.

"I'm not. But no one else is here."

" Jack is. And where Jack goes, so goes Arthur."

"They don't count."

"They'll be delighted to hear that."

"I won't tell if you won't."

"They're going to know something is going on, Curt. They're not stupid. Besides...you are way too noisy."

Curt threw back his head and laughed heartily. His blond hair had been tied back in a thick ponytail until Brian got a hold of him. Brian liked it loose, and the more disheveled, the better. "What's the point in being quiet? I don't care who knows we're getting it on."

"Why do Americans say 'getting it on' while we say 'having it off'?"

"I dunno, babe. Let's try doing it both ways and see if there's a difference."

Jack picked that moment to interrupt. "Save it for the show tonight, Curt."

Curt rolled his eyes. "I had no idea you could be so fucking mean, Jack."

Arthur joined them and automatically gravitated to Jack's side. "Jack's not mean," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "He's just suffering because I wouldn't let him-"

"Whoa, whoa, down, boy. That's way too much information, kid. Jack's practically a father figure-"

"I thought he was a fairy godmother," Brian interjected.

"Oh, shut up, the lot of you," Jack grumbled. He fixed Brian with his steeliest glare and said, "You didn't give me a list of the songs you want to do."

"I-"

Curt frowned. "Babe? You're not backing out on me, are you?"

"No..." Brian bit his lip. "Okay, it was supposed to be a surprise, but Jack blew it," Brian complained.

"What?"

"I wrote a couple of songs for the tour."

"That's great-"

"Not for me. For you."

"Tommy..." Curt said warningly, stunned that he remembered to call him that.

"Look, Curt, and you, too, Jack, I know you mean well, but...the truth is...I can't do any of my old material, for obvious reasons. So what does that leave me?" Brian sighed. "I only had time to do two songs and I'm not even sure they work, but-"

"Baby, you let me be the judge of that."

"We haven't even rehearsed them, Curt. We can't play them tonight."

"Gimme."

"What?"

"The tape. I know you made one, babe. I thought I heard you playing the guitar last night, but I was so tired, I just rolled over and went back to sleep. Now gimme."

For the longest time, Brian merely stared at Curt, his eyes unreadable behind his sunglasses. Then he reached for his guitar case and pulled a cassette tape out of it. Reluctantly handing it to Curt, he said, "I need more time, Curt."

"We'll see," Curt said with a wink.

Brian stuck out his tongue at his lover. "I hate you."

"Uh huh," Curt chuckled.

Arthur looked from one to the other and back again. "Gee...and I thought me and Jack were interesting."

Curt wagged a warning finger at the younger man. "I am not going there. So quit." He picked up Brian's guitar case and slung it over his shoulder. "Curt, we have people who do that for a living," Jack said wearily.

"What? I can't handle one guitar?"

"The union must love you," Jack observed, his acerbic wit very much in evidence now.

*****

"So..." Brian lay sprawled on his stomach across the bed. There was a makeshift curtain that separated them from the rest of the bus, but it didn't give anything but the illusion of privacy. Everything they said and did was fair game for the entourage. That amused Arthur, but then, this was his first time on tour. He was too excited to sit still anyway. He was running laps up and down the main aisle of the bus, trying to make sure he caught everything.

"Yeah?" Curt said absently, his mind clearly occupied with something.

"Did you listen to it?"

"To what?"

Brian made an exasperated sound. "The bloody tape! Did you listen to it yet?"

"Have I been out of your sight for more than five minutes since we got here, babe?"

"Oh." It was such a disappointed noise that Curt looked up. "You could always play for me, Tommy. Live."

"Where?"

"Here."

"When?"

"Now."

Jack's voice cut across the two of them from outside the curtain. "Children, please. Some of us are trying to nap. Just play the damned thing, Tommy. Or I won't be responsible for what happens."

Brian drew a shaky breath and reached for his guitar. "This one I wrote for you to sing, Curt. I swear."

"Don't swear. Just sing."

"It's called Don't You Ever Learn?."

Don't you ever listen?
Don't you ever learn?
The hand may find you
It's time to take a turn
You think this life is something strange
You're ready for another change
But don't you ever learn?

Don't you ever listen?
Don't you ever learn?
The world is on fire
Your body doesn't burn
Kill yourself before receiving
Something out of all this breathing
Don't you ever learn?


When Brian struck the last discordant note on his guitar, he looked up anxiously at Curt. "So...what do you think?"

"Wow."

"What does that mean?"

"What does 'wow' usually mean, baby? Do you have any fucking idea how good you are?"

'No' didn't seem like a viable response, so Brian settled for a muttered, "Thanks."

"No, thank you for writing me something that good."

Brian colored and ducked his head, his long dark hair falling across his face. "It sounded like you in my head."

"What's the other one like?"

Brian started to shake his head. "You wouldn't like it. It's..."

"What? Tell me."

"I wrote it...when we were apart." Brian didn't know how he managed to get the words out, but once he did, he felt an incredible sense of relief. Finally.

"So...what? It's dark? Melodramatic?" Curt shifted closer to Brian and pushed his hair out of his face. "Romantic?"

Brian scowled at his lover. "Would I write you a fucking love song? What am I, a fucking girl or something?"

That was more telling than he knew. Curt drew back a little and gave him a thoughtful look. "You did. You wrote me a fucking love song."

"Not exactly."

"I want to hear it."

"Uh uh," Brian said, setting his mouth mutinously.

"Please?" Curt whispered, trailing his mouth along the line of Brian's jaw.

Again Jack's voice intervened, but this time in a whisper. "Put the poor boy out of his misery, please. Or I'm coming in there."

Brian sighed and shouldered the guitar one more time. "I called this A Dream Goes On Forever."

A million old soldiers will fade away
But a dream goes on forever
I'm left standing here, I've got nothing to say
All is silent within my dream

A thousand true loves will live and die
But a dream lives on forever
The days and the years will go streaking by
But the time has stopped in my dream

We all have our everyday hopes and fears
And you'll find no exception in me
But that doesn't get me through a sea of tears
Over life's biggest tragedy

You're so long ago and so far away
But my dream lives on forever
I guess I believe that I'll see you one day
For without it there is no dream

You're so far away and so long ago
But my dream goes on forever
And how much I loved you you'll never know
Til you join me within my dream


Brian's voice broke as he finished, but he refused to look at Curt. But curiosity eventually got the better of him, and he finally risked a quick glance. "Curt?"

Curt rubbed at his eyes and whispered, "All that time I spent wondering whether you were thinking about me...and you wrote something like that."

"I can change it-"

"Don't you fucking dare. God, it's sad...but it's fucking beautiful, too. You've got to sing this, baby. I mean it. It's your song...and it's gotta be your voice."

"Thank you," Brian murmured. He valued Curt's opinion. He always had. Part of him was afraid that they were both reacting emotionally to things that weren't necessarily there in the song. But he found that he didn't care. It was time that Curt knew how much Brian loved him.

'You have to write more, Br-Tommy," Curt stumbled over the still unfamiliar name.

"Okay," Brian said shyly. "But now that I'm living my dream...I guess I could write you something happier."

Curt smiled.

And Jack's voice came through the curtain loud and clear, "Good boy."

"Go to sleep, Jack."

"Yes, dear."

End