*Lord Groan, looking at his breakfast*
"Red eggs, twisted fish...Barquentine, what is this shit, anyway?

Gertrude to Master Chalk:
"Titus? Lord Groan's son? Ha!
The last time I said we should try for an heir,
he perched on my shoulders and
crapped on my head....What's that? Oh, no, I don't mind when YOU
crap on my head, Master Chalk."

Fuschia, when presented with Satan:
"Oooh, Steerpike...can I spank your monkey?"